Torn
by Lamanth
Summary: ONE SHOT – All she wanted from life was to know that there was just one person who thought that she mattered. One person who wanted her as much as she wanted to be wanted. Raul/Mathilda/Salima. Bday. Jedi Lord -Author-


**Disclaimer:** I don't own Beyblade or any of its characters, merchandise, TV rights, ect… (I think you get the point.)

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Summery 

ONE SHOT – All she wanted from life was to know that there was just one person who thought that she mattered. One person who wanted her as much as she wanted to be wanted. (Raul/Mathilda/Salima)

Like all of my work this is just something that happened to float through the empty void inside my head. Like it or hate it please R and R as honest opinions are always welcomed, as are random acts of worship.

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Lamb: Well bubs you asked for it and this is what you've got. Not the best I could have hoped for but considering I didn't get the idea until Tuesday it's not as bad as it could have been either.

**Muse:** When you've stopped patting yourself on the back…

Lamb: You want to start sticking a knife in it?

_Dedi:_ Probably. Well this fic is dedicated to** Jedi Lord -Author- **cus today is his 18th birthday. So **Jedi Lord -Author- **this is for you.

Lamb: As always sorry for any bad spelling and if you feel the need to throw things at me please wait until I've hidden behind the sofa kay!?

M**use: **On with the fic!

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_The rain of guilt,  
Now it's pouring down on me,  
It's flooding in and I can barely breathe ,  
I can't go but I can't stay,  
I'm stuck in the middle,  
And it's a crazy place,_

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**Torn**

The sun was shining brightly, dappling the late spring day with golden light and dark shadows. A light breeze stirred the leaves of the tree under which the girl sat, the gentle rustling sounding like faintly whispering voices, and the sweet smell of freshly mown grass filled the air. It was anther perfect day, following in the long line of perfect days that only seemed to mock her pain and confusion.

Mathilda sat on the warm ground, her legs tucked beneath her, resting her weight on her right hand, the palm of which was being tickled by the short blades of grass. From overhead she could hear the singing of the birds perched in the branches of the tree which overshadowed her. As a child she had always loved days like this, days when she could just sit quietly and be alone with her thoughts.

But those days were long past, and now the slightly built girl with soft cotton pink hair gained no comfort for the passing thoughts that filled her mind. She had thought she had been happy, indeed for a while she had been. Far happier than she could remember being since before the third world championships and the scheming and mental abuse of her former coach.

Those had been dark times, when her whole life had seemed to be torn apart at the seams. She could say she had been forced to act the way she had for fear of retribution should she fail to follow orders. But the memory of the things she had done still haunted her dreams. The splintering crash as her beyblade disintegrated before her eyes, separating her from her beloved Pierce Hedgehog, was a sound she would never be able to forget.

In betraying the loyal bitbeast, her lifelong companion, who had blindly trusted her until the very end, Mathilda had felt that she had reached her darkest hour, only then to have the spectra of BEGA arise and threaten the very existence of the sport to which she had dedicated her life. But it was then, in that time when she was filled with guilt and loneliness, that she found a light in that darkness. When all she wanted was to feel wanted, her salvation came and wrapped arms tightly about her.

From the first time she had seen him at the opening ceremony of the third world championships she had noticed Raul, been attracted to the bright green eyes, clear skin and messy red hair. She heard people call him weak and a push over, and in a way Matilda supposed it was true. He was always giving way to his more dominant sister, letting Julia take decisions that he seemed both unable and unwilling to.

But Mathilda learned that Raul possessed a kind of strength that most people would be unable to understand, and that even she found hard to put into words. He was there for her when she needed him, arms to hold her tightly, sweet kisses to banish the memories she'd rather forget and over time the emptiness that filled her began to fade.

In due time BEGA, Boris and the plans he had envisioned had been over come until they too became nothing more than a distant memory. Then for a while all in Matilda's world seemed well and happy. Raul was kind and loving and she adored him with all her heart. And she could not imagine anything ever coming between them.

But then as time when went on, Mathilda found that she was starting to question herself. Not her feeling or emotions, nothing she could really put her finger on, just a faint aching questioning in her heart. Over and over she would replay in her head the scene she had unintentionally witnessed. Ming-Ming of the team formally known as BEAG and a dark hired female blader she knew to be called Queen, sitting together entwined in each other's arms, kissing with such a burning intensity that it had almost taken Mathilda's breath away.

Until that day Mathilda had never questioned her own sexuality, but from then on a strange curiosity filled her and she looked on the secretive smiles of her girl friends with a different understanding. It was as if she had been living her life in black and white, seeing the people she knew in nothing more than shades of grey and suddenly someone has turned her world into bright dazzling colour.

It had been at that moment, when doubts and confusion has assaulted her mind, that Salima had waltzed into her life, oblivious of the part she would play in turning Mathilda's world on its head. For the first time that she met the redhead with the stunning heart shaped face and silvery eyes that were so reminiscent of the moonstone that Mathilda loved, she had felt a connection with her.

There were less than a dozen female beybladers competing at world championship level, and most of them were tough ass chicks out to prove that they could make it in this male dominated sport. Beauties with brains and the balls to rip to shreds anyone whom so much as looked at them the wrong way. Something the cherry-eyed girl could never be, her nature was too quiet for such actions. It wasn't that she lacked drive or determination, but simply that she hated being on bad terms with anyone and there for backed away from conflict.

So in the midst of these battle-hardened Amazons Salima had seemed like a gift from heaven. She too was quiet and caring by nature, but like Raul, she also possessed a strength that often went overlooked by the masses. A comfort and reassurance that Mathilda found offered a sense of safety that she could find no where else, a feeling as if after years of wondering she had at long last come home.

When the feelings had grown, Mathilda could not say. But the days when she had to forgo the warmth she felt when the sliver eyed young woman smiled at her seemed lonely and empty in ways she could not explain. Hand in hand the days and nights of her life fitted together. The days when she was deigned Salima's company would be followed by nights when she would cling to Raul as if he were her last lifeline.

And then three weeks ago all her confusion and curiosity had come to a head. She had been so unsure of herself, but Salima seemed to know just what she was doing and Mathilda has learned that just like the people who gave them, all kisses were different. There was softness to Salima's lips the like of which she had never known, as with everything about the redhead there was a warmth and subtle sweetness to it.

All this she Mathilda had noticed in a hazy of feeling and then suddenly, like a stone thrown through a glass window, reality had broken in on the fantasy and shattered her world into splinters. She had pulled away, horrified at what she had done, at the way she had dismissed Raul so easily. How could it be that he could fade from her mind so easily?

Tears spilling from her eyes, Mathilda had run home. Run home and into the arms of the person who always seemed to be there to help her piece her life back together. With soothing words, gentle caresses and soft kisses, Raul had banished the tears and also, unwittingly, the memory of the girl who had partly contributed to them.

They had made love for the first time that night, and in his arms Mathilda had basked in the warm golden glow of his love. But after she was left feeling hollow and empty, doubting everything she had thought she had known about herself.

The days passed from the outside nothing changed, but inside Mathilda's head a storm constantly raged, and like a ship tossed on the seas she felt herself being dragged to and fro by hidden currents. When Raul held her tightly she would wish that it was Salima's arms wrapped around her body. But when silvery orbs looked at her, all she wanted to see were shinning emerald eyes of the person who knew her almost better than she knew herself.

The wind blew softly sending the leaves of the tree into a flurry of rustling whispers, and made razored pixie like strands of pink hair dance against pale skin. Tears welled in vivid cherry red orbs that seemed far too large for her small, delicately featured, face. All her life all she had wanted was to feel that she was wanted by another person, to know that she was precious to just one other human being. But know she was stuck between two people, both of whom had a hold on her heart.

She could not go back, but didn't know how to go forward. Her life was slowly falling down before her eyes, crumbling into ashes and she was powerless to stop it. Salty trails ran in rivers down her cheeks as she sobbed piteously as her world was torn apart.

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Lamb: OK, before anyone asks don't ask me about the ending I'm not sure what happened. The ideas just kinda seemed to run dry. (glares at Muse)

**Muse:** What are you glaring at me for? (waves knife around)

_Dedi:_ Cur you're the muse and you're meant to be the one who comes up with the ideas. (rolls eyes) But **Jedi Lord -Author- **we hope you liked it and happy birthday.

Please R and R I'd love to know what you thought.

Big luv see ya

Lamanth


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